Month: February 2011

  • your duck is dead

    A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

    After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

    The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

    "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet

        "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

    The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.  He returned  a  few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner  looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front  paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.  He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

    The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

    The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

    The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
    The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried,
    "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry.  If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

  • State Police are cracking down

    HOT OFF THE PRESS!!!!!!!  ENJOY

     Texas State Police are cracking down on Speeders

    The Texas State Police are cracking down on speeders heading into Dallas .

    For the first offense, they give you 2 Dallas Cowboy tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

    and....

    Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
    A. The Dallas Cowboys

    Q. What do the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common?
    A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Oh My God".

    Q. How do you keep a Dallas Cowboy out of your yard?
    A. Put up a goal post.
     
    Q. What do you call a Dallas Cowboy with a Super Bowl ring?
    A. Old

    Q. What's the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar bill?
    A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
     

    Q. How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to win a Super Bowl?
    A. Nobody remembers.
     

    Q. What do the Cowboys and a possums have in common?
    A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!