Day: July 31, 2012

  • Subject to Change

     

    THE RULES: These Rules have been approved by The Committee On Making The Rules. Dissemination or distribution of these Rules in any location where men are likely to see them is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN!

    1. Women make the Rules, men Follow the Rules, and don't you ever forget it.

    2. The Rules are subject to change at any time, without prior notice.  

    3. Men are not  allowed to know what The Rules are.  Any woman who discovers that a man has learned one or more of The Rules shall immediately change some or all of The Rules.

    4. Women are always right.  Men are always wrong.  A man's ignorance of The Rules is no excuse for him being wrong.

    5. If, somehow, a woman is wrong, the only possible reason for the situation is some blatantly stupid and completely unforgivable act or statement by a man.  The guilty man must immediately apologize for causing this problem, and do so abjectly and with full acknowledgement of his guilty conduct.  If guilt for the misdeed cannot be ascribed to any man in particular, the nearest man will take the blame.

    6. Any woman is permitted to change her mind at any time, for any reason, if she even wants to bother coming up with a reason.  Even if she has a reason she is absolutely forbidden to tell any man what it is, or to inform him she has changed her mind until a violation of Rule 5 has taken place. 

    7.  No man is permitted to change his mind without obtaining written permission from the nearest woman.

    8.  Women are not permitted to give men permission to change their minds, under any circumstances and for any reason, except as a means to rectify a breach of Rule 5.  If a man is permitted to change his mind under this provision, he shall be reminded of it for the rest of his life.  Obtaining permission to change his mind shall not absolve a man of guilt for violation of Rules 1 through 5 inclusive.

    9. Any woman has a right to be angry or upset with any man, at any time.  She may not tell the man why she is angry or upset.  She is not required to have a reason to be angry or upset.  It is preferable that she not tell a man that she is angry or upset at all until he has committed a violation of Rule 5.

     10. No man shall ever become angry or upset when in the presence of a woman, under any circumstances, except if a woman wishes him to be angry or upset.  If he fails to become angry or upset when a woman wishes him to be, he is guilty of a violation of Rule 5.  A woman who wishes a man to become angry or upset is not permitted to let him know he is supposed to be until a violation of Rule 5 has taken place. 

    11. a. A man who fails to read a woman's mind and thus fails to understand that he is supposed to be angry or upset is guilty of a violation of Rules 1 through 10 inclusive.

     b. Inability to read minds is no excuse for a man’s failing to do so.

    12.  a. If something involves tools, electricity, the car, garbage, computers, or an item weighing more than 8 pounds, it is a man's responsibility to deal with it.

     b. Immediately.

    13. If something involves the disbursement of money it is the woman's responsibility to deal with it, providing that she is supplied with funds by the man.  Failure to supply these funds shall constitute a violation of Rule 5.

    14. Men shall be permitted to make only big decisions, including the admission of new member states to the UN, and the best strategy for conducting foreign policy.  Women shall make all minor decisions including, but not limited to, what car or house to buy, what movies to rent, what TV shows to watch, and anything that involves the expenditure of money.  Men shall not be permitted to question these decisions: this shall constitute a violation of Rules 5 and 15.

    15. a. No woman shall tolerate for even a single second the sight of a man enjoying himself.  Any woman who observes any man enjoying himself, or about to do so, shall immediately find house work or yard work for him to do. 

    b. A man who takes a nap shall be considered to have committed a   maximum violation of this Rule.

    16. Violation of any of these Rules shall subject a man to a prolonged period of celibacy.

  • Three Old Gals

     

    Three old gals went to the park to relax on the park bench.

    A flasher approached them and opened up his coat.

    Gertrude immediatly had a stroke.

    Then Maude also had a stroke.

    But Tillie, being older and more feeble, couldnt reach that far!

  • FAQ to understanding women vol 1 of 100

    A practical guide to understanding Women."

       

    Photobucket

  • Understanding women

    "Understanding women"

       

    God was having a slow day, so he zeroed in on this guy staring out to sea on the beach. He asked the guy what he was doing, just looking out to sea.

    "Oh, I was just wondering what Hawaii looked like. I have a deathly fear of flying, and if I get on a boat, I get seasick. I'm just afraid I'm never going to see Hawaii. You know, you being God and all... It would be a really cool thing for you to do, to build a highway right out that way, and straight to Hawaii.

    Well, God gets all hyper and says, "Do you have ANY idea about all the work that would be? Why can't you be a man and get on a plane? I guarantee it will be worth it."

    The guy whines and carries on, until God finally says, "Well, I guess I could grant you another wish instead of this one. Go ahead, think of something."

    The guy thinks and thinks, and finally he looks up and says, "Well, you know. I've been married three times... It just didn't work out, but if you'd help me out... It's just a little thing... God, tell me how to understand women!

    God stands there on the shore, hands on his hips, tapping his foot, and finally turns to the guy. "Ya' want two lanes or four?"

  • another test

    A Short NeurologicalTest

    1- Find the C below..

    Please do not use any cursor help.

    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below..

    99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
    99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
    99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
    69999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
    99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
    99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

    3 - Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult.

    MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMM
    MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
    MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
    MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
    MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

    This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer. 

    Congratulations!


    eonvrye that can raed this rsaie your hnad.
    To my 'selected' strange-minded friends:

    If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends and the person that sent it to you with 'yes' in the subject line.


     


    Only great minds can read this
    This is weird, but interesting! 

    If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too

    Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

    I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

  • Abbott and Costello economics

    Abbott and Costello explain Obama's Accounting System.

    COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America .

    ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 9%.

    COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

    ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.

    COSTELLO: You just said 9%.

    ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.

    COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.

    ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.

    COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 16% unemployed.

    ABBOTT: No, that's 9%...

    COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%?

    ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.

    COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed.

    ABBOTT: No, you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.

    COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!

    ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.

    COSTELLO: What point?

    ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work, can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair.

    COSTELLO: To whom?

    ABBOTT: The unemployed.

    COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.

    ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

    COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment roles, that would count as less unemployment?

    ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

    COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work?

    ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how you get to 9%. Otherwise it would be 16%. You don't want to read about 16% unemployment, do ya?

    COSTELLO: That would be frightening.

    ABBOTT: Absolutely.

    COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?

    ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

    COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

    ABBOTT: Correct.

    COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

    ABBOTT: Bingo.

    COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.

    ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like an economist.

    COSTELLO: I don't even know what the &*$% I just said!

    ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like a politician.

     

    Ray Burnette