A man enters a church and finds the priest. "How may I help you son?" asks the priest. "I am looking for my wife, she said she would be here but as I can see she's not around. Now that am here, I would like to confess".

They go to the confession area, "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

"What are your sins my son?"

The man replies,"The other day, I went looking for my wife at her home but she was not there. I found her sister alone, I slept with the sister."

"Oh, that is sin, but at least you came to confess".

"Then another day I went looking for her at her aunt's place but she was not there, I found her cousin alone, I slept with the cousin".

"You know that is wrong my son".

"Then the other day I went looking for her at her working place. She was not there, I found her colleague alone,.."

The priest interrupts, "Let me guess, you slept with her colleague?" "Yes father". There was silence after that.

Father?" Father?" Still silent.

The man peeps through and finds out that the priest is no longer there . He looks for him and finds him hiding. "Why are you hiding father?" The priest replies, "I've just realized I'm the only one here and you came looking for your wife"...

All those cackling black birds beware.  Time to find somewhere else to roost and leave your droppings on someone elses car.

My love is lost.
I held it as a handful of sand, clenching my fist
to hold it there.
Yet, bit by bit, it slipped through my straining fingers.

Now, nothing but memories of every smile, every kiss,
and, above all, every word.
For 'twas not into my ear you whispered but into
my heart.
'Twas not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

And when I opened my tired hand and found my
love was gone
I trembled and died.

My handful of existence has vanished.

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Puddle of Mudd

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJJsoquu70o&feature=related

25 lighters on my dresser, I gotsta get paid

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9dT4fp_7xY&feature=related

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the ONION

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